A serious breakup

It has been said that in life, all good things must come to an end. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston (though I do love Angelina), Britney Spears' relationship with underwear and the television show "Dirty, Sexy, Money," are just a few that come to mind.

But a much bigger ending has arrived. A breakup of such significant proportions that it makes the Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce look tame.

It is the end of my relationship with sleep.

Yes, I have officially kissed sleep goodbye. It was nice knowing it. I tried my best to hold on but for the past month or so, it has been slipping away. It was time to accept what was happening and part ways. You know what they say, "if you love something, let it go."

Between my rapidly expanding belly, increasing lower back pain, the fact that I hate sleeping on my side, constant heartburn, a bladder that has shrunk to the size of a walnut (at least it feels that way) and a baby that likes to "party all the time, party all the time" I have had to bid my fair sleep adieu. And I know I won't get it back for...well, I will leave that one TBD.

It's okay. I'm okay. Please, don't worry about me. I am coping as best as I can. Even though I sometimes sit at home on my bed (wide-awake), crying and listening to Boyz II Men's "End of the Road," I know that sleep and I will one day reunite. It won't be tonight, or tomorrow night, or even one night months from now. But someday, down the road, our paths will cross again.

For now though, as my body prepares to bring me something that I will love much more than sleep, I wipe away a tear, gaze fondly at my unused pillows, rewind my Boyz II Men track and accept my break-up with sleep. For "we've come to the end of the road." But I must let go...

For now.

27 Weeks (nearly 7 months)

The Last 100 Days

Well, I am almost there. Only 100 more days until we welcome our little Blueberry/Soybean into the world (though we all know he will arrive when he feels like it). While I am so excited about becoming a parent, I am also scared shitless.

For the rest of our lives, Jon and I will be responsible for another person. Because even when he is grown and not living in our house, we will worry and care and wonder. We will be responsible for making decisions that will shape the person he will become. We will be responsible for giving him enough love, attention, discipline and leniency so that he will be an outstanding citizen, great boyfriend, husband, father and grandfather. We will be responsible for not pushing our personal dreams on him and allowing him to be the person he wants to be. We will be responsible for providing him the best education possible, rewarding his successes and accepting his limitations. We will be responsible for hugs and kisses, smiles and tears. We will always be there for him, through good times and bad.

I know that we are not the first people to have a child and we certainly won't be the last. As I go through this pregnancy I realize that each person's pregnancy is different, each baby is different and each parent and child will be different. I am excited and terrified about the adventure that we will embark upon in 100 days. It will be the ride of our lives. A ride that we can't wait to get on and one that will never end.

Bill Cosby said "In spite of the six thousand manuals on raising children in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage."

The love is already there and I'm sure it will intensify the second that we look at his tiny face, hold his little hand and watch as he grows from baby to child and child to adult. The luck will come and the courage...well, that's building.

Baby's First International Trip

On Sunday evening (2/8) Jon and I returned from the Dominican Republic after a week of sun, sand, Mamajuana (a Dominican drink that Jon enjoyed lots of) and most importantly, my brother Andrew's wedding. It was also the baby's first trip overseas and from the activity going on inside my belly, he certainly seemed to enjoy himself. During the wedding and at other various points during our vacation, there was loud music playing and there was a dance party going on inside of me. Blueberry was having his own little rave in there. I can just picture him now with miniature glow sticks or challenging somebody to a dance battle. Traveling to an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean while pregnant (especially 6 months pregnant) definitely had its ups and downs:

Positives:

• I had a valid reason why I did not look good in my bathing suit
• I didn't feel guilty eating dessert at dinner
• I was able to exceed the 8 glasses of water a day quota as water is pretty much all I drank
• I got to lie around on a lounge chair and have people bring me food and drinks
• I got to spend some quality time with my family and friends and actually remember the conversations that we had
• I learned the Spanish word for pregnant (Embarazada)
• I learned the baby really reacts to loud music and likes to party at night
• I got to see my brother get married to the love of his life and welcome a new sister (officially) to the family

Negatives:

• It is not fun to watch everyone around you drink non-stop for a week while you sip on a bottle of water (I really used to enjoy my cocktails)
• If you are pregnant and go to the Ocean Blue Resort understand that they will not let you go snorkeling, fishing or have a massage. Be prepared to sit around and do nothing
• I saw what happens to pregnant feet once they meet humidity and salty foods (it wasn't pretty)

Quickly going back to the drinking and not being able to do much of anything thing - there were a number of people who said "yes, they can all drink and go to the disco and go fishing, but in the end YOU get to have a baby." Let me just tell you, while I am more excited for this little boy than anything that I have been in my life, when everyone else is whooping it up and you are laying on a lounge chair with your balloon-like feet propped up telling me that I get to push a person out of a very small, private place does not sound like a consolation prize. I am pretty sure that as the others were enjoying their all-inclusive drinks or getting a relaxing massage they weren't thinking "Gee, if only I could trade this delightful fruity beverage for the chance to give birth. That lucky Joslyn with her elephantitus of the feet. I guess I will just have to get another cocktail to drown my sorrows."

Anyway...

I am now almost 26 weeks along and close to my third and final trimester. Soon enough my crazy little dance machine will be gracing us with his presence. Am I even close to prepared? No.

According to BabyCenter.com at 26 weeks Blueberry (or Soybean as he has been so nicknamed by his "Unc" - my brother-in-law Tom) now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. The network of nerves in his ears are better developed and more sensitive than before. He may now be able to hear both mine and Jon's voices as we chat with each other. He's also inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his lungs. And he's continuing to put on baby fat. Also, his testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum — a trip that will take about two to three days. (I'm not going to lie- that's kind of gross). Next week I head to the doctor for my glucose test, sign a bunch of consent forms and start meeting other doctor's in the practice. Then for the next couple of months I will be going to the doctor every two weeks until my last month when I will be there every week.

A few photos:

Preggo bridesmaid

Jon and his catch

Bride and Groom before their first dance

Me and Jon (soon to be Mom and Dad)

The family at dinner